Hi all!
Right now I want to try and focus on things that I enjoy instead of getting recognition from others. Sounds weird right? Let me rephrase it. Well every-time I make YouTube or a group assignment project videos, it is always about pleasing others, instead of myself. Why? I don’t know, maybe society standards or maybe my own standards. I think the later one makes more sense.
I have always focused on whether if my film posts or videos will get the amount of likes or views that I hope it would and if not then why? Is it because they didn’t think my storyline? Is it boring? Un-engaging? or stupid?
I start to overthink and go into a downward spiral, lost and unsure of my worthiness.
But last week, we were looking through some of my old videos that I used to make during my early primary schooling years. And in those videos, there was a young girl filled filled joy and hope. She made some of the cringiest and silliest videos ever and yet and loved her work for the way it is, not caring about anyone else’s opinions. And to be honest I am getting teary thinking about it, I missed that spark this young girl had, and would love to experience it again.
But every time I put out a video work or project of any kind, I would always compare my video to those around me and those whom I admire. Which can sometimes be a good thing and also a bad thing. I don’t know … I think it is all about balance. I get it, it is not as easy as it sounds, and tbh I haven’t found a solution to balance it all yet.
So now that university has ended, I am trying to find ways to reignite that spark that has brought me onto this career path in the first place. And am also trying to find ways to not let comparison or any social media activity get in the way of my own self-esteem. It is a lot to do, but I am trying to work on myself and hopefully in the future I will take small steps and do stuff that I enjoy. I love you Neha and I want to make you proud.